10 Minute Writer

Confessions of a Busy Mom Who Became an Independent Novelist

Finding 10 Minutes: Confessions of An Anti-Soccer Mom

Today’s post is a repeat of something I submitted to another website two years ago.  I thought it might be timely since we are preparing for our next school year. (It took me a lot longer than 10 minutes to write this!)

 

Confessions of an Anti-Soccer Mom (at least for now)

Up here in the North East, Dunkin’ Donuts has a commercial featuring a mother driving her five children around. Each shot is on a child, strapped into their seats, dressed accordingly to their destination “Swimming! Soccer! Ballet! Oboe! And last, but not least . .. KARATEEEEEEEEE! ” They all shout. I like that the ad agency made something so pedestrian a little bit funny. I also like that it appears that they cast a real-life mother and her real-life children, since their facial similarities are obvious. But, truthfully, I don’t like what it represents. 

Dunkin’ Donuts wants me to avoid the hunger that might come upon me as I drive my brood of five around to their various activities. They assume that all Good Moms do this, so they want to help her out. I consider myself a Good Mom, but I have decided, at least for now, that I am not going to drive anybody around.

I’m calling myself the Anti-Soccer Mom, although it’s not a stance against just soccer: it’s also a stance against any activity that substitutes car life for home life, minimizes time spent together as a cohesive family unit and focuses only on accomplishment of one individual member.

Of course, my oldest child in only eight. I’m willing to admit that my family’s desires and needs may change as we grow up. But for now, we don’t do practices, classes, play dates, games or tournaments. 

Yes, I know it’s radical. I know it’s counter-cultural. I know that I’m risking damaging my kids for life, but I’ve got my reasons and I’m betting their tender childhoods that in the long run, I’ll be glad I stayed home.

Now I want to list my reasons. They aren’t in any particular order.

1. Home Life is Sacred. Our house is more than a place where we hang our clothes and sleep at night. Our home is a place where we nurture our souls. Because we take the time to make it comfortable and orderly, we can find our true selves here. Time in our car, or on any field, will never reach the quality of life that we have in our four walls.

2. and 3. When We’re Home, We Eat Healthy Meals Together. Show me an article on family nutrition and I’ll show you a paragraph that mentions how rarely families eat together due to all their extra-curricular activities. Because we stay at home, we eat every meal around our dining room table. We’re really into being together. We practice good manners so we can handle the rare public meal. We all contribute to the preparing and clean-up. We eat fresh, unprocessed, whole grains, legumes, fruits, vegtetables and a little bit of meat and dairy, so Dunkin’ Donuts has wasted their advertising dollars on me. We have a family member with serious food allergies, so by staying at home and controlling every aspect of meal preparation, we can guarantee there will be no trips to the emergency room. We view meal time as sacremental and a vital part of our family culture and critical to our health. Why would I want to subject my family to sub-standard nutrition in a sub-standard environment? 

4. Little Ones Need To Be At Home. I don’t care how many Gymboree classes are offered, I’m not convinced that infant and toddler outings are all that important. I am far more sure of the necessity of a schedule, particularly naps, for the under 3, possibly under 4, set. If I have my older kids commited to even one sport each, that means that I drag around my little ones at least twice for every practice and game. I once read an article where a mother commented that her baby felt more at home in her car seat than in her own bed. I love my babies too much for that. They will get their naps and regular meal times and everyone in the family will work to meet that goal. Furthermore, I haven’t the foggiest idea what mothers do with a cranky two year old while their waiting for big sister to finish soccer practice. I know my two year old well enough to know that I don’t want to find out. I’d rather assure him that all his needs will be met in a dependable manner.

5. Big Bucks, Little Bang. Once or twice over the course of the last eight years, I’ve had an inclination to sign up my kids for something. I’ve balked every time over the money issue. We haven’t been in a financial position to fork over the dough for uniforms, lessons, shoes, etc. and I couldn’t be happier. I wish I knew more about the actual costs of under-eight soccer to accurately make my point, but the truth is, I’d rather spend my money on art supplies, quality children’s literature, music CDs, audiobooks, admissions to museums and library fines. My choices are shared by the whole family, allow for creativity,(and plenty of inside jokes) and can be used for years. 

6. I Don’t Want To Sign My Life Away. Saturdays are also valuable to us; we have our things that we do. If I sign my kid up for a sport, I lose too much of what my weekend means to me, between shuffling them around and actual game time. Woe to the family whose kid makes the play-offs. I’ve heard of vacations that had to be cancelled because of sports demands. The uniform may belong to only one child, but the team owns the whole family. No thank you. 

7. Organized Activities Take Away From Spontaneous Play. If we are a slave to our schedule, then we steal play time from our children. My daughters, ages 7 and 8 are inseparable and spend their play time creating plays, making ornate artwork, digging holes in the back yard and creating memories together. (The boys, ages 4 and 2, will eventually get there.) I personally think it’s a crime against childhood to say, “Stop playing! We have to go right now to baseball practice!” Also, my kids have the time to play soccer together, with their Daddy, as opposed to playing with a bunch of strangers and someone else’s dad. Additionally, we are free to spend time with our neighbors, children of other ages, swim in Grammy’s pool or meet a group at the playground. We never have to stop playing because we’ll be late for another commitment.

8. Accomplishment is a Poor Substitute for Character. What did young Abraham Lincoln do with his spare time? It wasn’t Jazz Dance or T-ball. He worked hard physically and read a lot of good books (mostly the Bible). Just like every other man of virtue in history, when destiny required of him the character he had been developing, he showed true greatness. I spend a lot of my home time talking to my children about Wisdom, Courage, Compassion, Diligence and Modesty. I expect them to be great someday, and I hope their trophies won’t be the kind that collect dust on a shelf.

9. Competition Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be. As soon as I put my kid on a team, she will start comparing herself to her peers, and she will certainly fall short. Her coach will compare her to others and her acceptance and success will come only if she is good enough at this thing or the other. I’m of the opinion that this can be delayed until she is much older. Now we have our little games and competitions at home, but win or lose, she’s always my star. 

10. Talent is Nice, But It’s Not Everything. Maybe one of my daughters is athletically gifted (I really don’t know for sure, but she sure can throw a basketball!) This gift is from God and will be developed by Him and for Him on His time table. I’m not going to be afraid that she’ll miss out on something great because she didn’t play under 8 sports. Her identity is so much bigger than her talents. I want her to realize that truth, put her skills in their proper perspective and pursue worthy goals with her time and energy. 

11. We’re Not Into Resume Padding. College admission is not dependent on how many dance classes you took, how many tournament games you won or whether or not you played first chair, particularly not during your childhood, for heaven’s sake!

I’m sure there are more reasons, but this thought summarizes them: I am very skeptical, especially during the first critical years of life, of any temporary activity that replaces the eternal.

Now, excuse me while I jump in the mini-van for a run to Dunkin’ Donuts.

 

 

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4 Responses to “Finding 10 Minutes: Confessions of An Anti-Soccer Mom”

  1. ESchneid

    While I agree wholeheartedly on the sanctity of family life, at the same time it has to be considered the enormous possibilities for learning that are available to children. That is, they are at the point in their lives where it will be easiest to learn new things. In many areas this does not matter, but particularly when it comes to music and dance, as well as gymnastics, etc., it is easier for children to learn this things when they are younger. And separation need not occur- the girls could take dance or piano classes together, and the boys might enjoy playing on the same soccer team (when they get a little older, that is). It is important to be close to your siblings, but at the same time the children are bound to have different interests, because God made them to be individuals. I think for the boys they are still too young to really be interested in activities outside the home, but as for the girls? There is still the monetary concern, though.


  2. Amen!

    Our four children are 16(girl) and boys ages 13, 10, and 8. The only organized “sports” we do each year is a one-week “sports camp” that’s really a VBS, held in the local park. The kids walk to it and walk home in time for dinner.

    The kids take PE classes at our twice-monthly co-op while I teach high school English classes. Otherwise, if they want to play soccer or basketball, they play a pick-up game at the park or in our yard with each other. My parents pay for swim lessons which again are over the summer and are only twice a week.

    My older two boys take piano lessons, but the lessons are given in our home once per week by a homeschooling mom, and I trade tutoring the piano teacher’s daughter in high school English as a barter. My middle son has just started guitar lessons that I do have to drive him to once a week in the afternoons after schooling time, but they’re FREE, a ministry of a local church. And the kids perform at the beginning of the church service once a month.

    So even with older kids, it’s not too hard to remain an anti-soccer mom. We always eat every dinner together, and our weekends are our own to rest and hang around with each other, or work on projects with Dad, or clean the house. (They do almost all of it themselves, thankfully.) We love being together as a family, and although I sometimes feel the draw to organized sports, my kids themselves refuse to go, except for Sports Camp which does cost money.

  3. admin

    Susanne! I am so encouraged by your affirmation!

    While it appears that my stand is very steadfast, I’m a little nervous, since the teen years are dangerously close.
    I’m afraid that despite my brainwashing they’ll all want to do karate, ceramics, lute lessons, and underwater
    basket weaving simultaneously. Then, of course, Harvard (which is just across the river) will reject them
    because they couldn’t sing in Finnish.

    I’m so glad that your teens appear to be healthy and happy without all that nonsense. It CAN be done!

    Kathy

  4. shanibani

    Ok, know this is a late reply. But like I said I’m reading a little at a time. Ya know, Mark and I did let Britton have a hit or two at sports, but ya know what usually happened at the next sign up time. We’d ask, “Hey Britton, soccer, or basketball, or gymnastics or boy scouts sign up are next week. Do you want to do that this year? Britton’s response, “Hmmm, no not really.” We always respected his wants and boy are we glad we did. The last time he participated in a sport was 3yrs ago. We go to church on Sunday and Wens. He has friends over or he goes to their houses and he spends a lot of time with his grandparents. I think this is a good thing. I hear our other friends talking about how their 5 yr old had a meltdown at a 9:00pm game on a school night and I think “Well, it’s you’re own fault. Why didn’t some parent complain to the coach about the schedule” I don’t think you can say that all that running around is a life. You read articles about 8 yrs olds with migraines and we wonder why. We’re teaching our kids to go 100 miles an hour and never look back. Then wonder why they can’t sit still at the dinner table. I love this. I’m tempted to hand it out to all the members of my Sunday School class

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