10 Minute Writer

Recently on Twitter, I went a little crazy with #2013Predictions.  I think it’s a little arrogant to go around saying this, that or the other is going to happen in the future (I’m looking at YOU, Mayans!) so if you really want to be know has a great prophet or fortune teller or whatever it is you call it, the secret and you should totally be writing this down, is to have low expectations. 

Keeping that in mind, this is a list of the things that I am POSITIVE will happen in 2013.

I will mock my FB friends who list their pets’ destruction. I will take it back when I pay my 5 kids’ college tuition.

I will take better care of my nails, but still use the kitchen grout as an emery board.

I will send nice emails to all my fav online sites to tell them how helpful & unobtrusive their banner & popup ads are. And I’ll continue to work on my passive-aggressive, sarcastic streak.

I’ll show those snotty librarians. I’ll move to another town before I pay those “fines”. #smarttaxiswhatIcallit

I will stop running with scissors. Instead, I’ll run with rocks & see if I win for a change.

I may or may not continue to treat pancake syrup like a beverage.

I will reveal to my Pinterest followers that I am not thin, nor do I have perfect nails, nor am I married to Sherlock.

I will collect my photos at the end of the year, to make a calendar for the grandparents, and realize they’re all of food.

I will consider the possibility that news on the internet could be inaccurate.

I will change “there are no stupid questions” to “Oh yes there are, and the people who allow them are enablers.”

I will stop mentally referring to holidays as “a day in which I disappoint my children” & try to make Arbor Day special.

I will not, for one minute, regret that I am too old to be a hipster.

I will disappoint online friends who meet me in real life. Then I’ll share my cookies and all will be right with the world.

I will call my children by the wrong names and discover my oldest is saving up for therapy.

My children will mock me mercilessly for my choice of Pandora station.

I’ll second guess every one of my parenting decisions until I meet some wailing brat at WalMart & then I’ll get all smug.

I will fist bump with my children. They will think it is odd and scary and plead with me never do it again.

I’ll probably cave in and send that poor Nigerian prince some money.

I will celebrate a semi-important birthday milestone with self-pity and too many trips to the refrigerator.

I will abuse the hashtag. #noIwon‘t #that‘swhatitstherefor #ohplease

I will use television as a baby sitter. I will write another book. I will pick Mother of The Year Award.

I’ll complain about the cold. But I do live in Massachusetts, so that 1 day in August that we can swim, I’ll enjoy it.

I will go to Costco, forget why I went there, come home with patio furniture & a gallon of pickles & be perfectly happy.

My children will need consequences for their actions and the best I’ll come with is “now you have to fold napkins”.

Friends of mine will have a child and I will silently mock their name choices.

My husband will discover food particles in my computer’s keyboard & lecture me about it. I will deny everything.

I will go to Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest to find significance from strangers.

I will complain the following: A) the weather B) my lack of suitable things to wear C) the state of my kids’ rooms.

I will say, “Why did I eat that?”

My children will interrupt me. I will feel guilty about not giving them enough attention. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Someone will do something crazy on YouTube and we’ll go nuts over and probably come out of it stupider.

I personally won’t be training for the Olympics.

I won’t lose any friends over election year nonsense.

That’s it for my predictions for 2013. What about you? What do you think will happen?